tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
