Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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