The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize