Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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