Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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