He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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