if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
