Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize