Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
