K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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