why didn't you poke me back
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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