Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize