That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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