i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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