This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
home. puking in laundry basket.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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