haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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