Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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