so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
worst night to have a conscience
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
