One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
