Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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