Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
