I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just blew my weed a kiss
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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