hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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