I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
