So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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