You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
