So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
