I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
