What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
