That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
