i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
