well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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