Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
time to smoke my breakfast
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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