pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
