I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We talked him into tasing himself.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
