I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
