Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
