FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
