i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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