oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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