Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
