he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think my tv is drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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