I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
