I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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