I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize