I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
