Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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