Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
