ugly people sure do ruin things
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize