is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
