why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
