We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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