Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
