Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
