I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
