white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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