just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
