Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
