you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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