finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
