his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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