i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
